Archive for August 2007
I was watching people at lunch today, sitting alone in the corner at Taco Bueno, eating my bean burritos and thinking. There was a mom feeding her son a taco. He was laughing and having fun which was stressing his mother, but she continued to smile and tell him he was a good boy and that it was alright. She asked him to stop when he tried to drop his taco shell on the floor, and he laughed with her, leaned forward and gave her a messy taco-flavored kiss. It made me think of my mom and how kind she is with her children and grandchildren.
Kindness is something that my mother taught us our whole lives, even though we had no idea class was in session. Whether it was helping with homework or talking to us about our life decisions, mom was there, sitting with us on the couch or on our bed, talking us through it all. I knew that as I grew older and began to make decisions that took me further and further afield, she was still there, a phone call away, when I needed her. That gave me tremendous peace of mind.
There were times I am sure my siblings and I thought she was too worrisome or to demanding. Now that I am an adult with a family of my own I see how kind and compassionate my mom was and is still.
There is a reason my kids want to spend every weekend with her. They love the attention she gives them. The time they can spend with her at the kitchen table, painting and making things with pipe cleaners and construction paper. She shows my kids what everyday magic is, every day. My mom is good for me and she is good for my children too.
One quality that is necessary for Buddhahood is compassion for all sentient beings. With out knowing it my mom was teaching me this my entire life. I hope I am lucky enough to have my mom in my life for a long time to come. For me, for my children and for theirs one day as well.
Mom taught me to forgive others by her own actions. There have been times when I know she was wronged, even by those close to her, and she got over it somehow. She taught me to repay kindness by those same actions. She has opened her house time and again for those that need a safe and secure place to sleep and eat. A place to feel welcomed. She is far more compassionate than I am on so many fronts.
I wish everyone had the chance to have a mom like mine.
So much is happening right now that I am writing this one to get it all out so that I can see it.
First: I had a wonderful talk with Loppön Barbara Du Bois yesterday, she is a blessing. We talked about everything and nothing. (Sorry, Buddhist joke.) We talked about the similarities between Roman Catholic Christianity and Tibetan Buddhism, we talked about daily practice, compassion and bodhicitta and the idea of a Bodhisattva.
You know that feeling you get when you slide down into a steaming bath? The one where your entire body relaxes. You realize that your forehead, your shoulders, your muscles and even your skin was pulled tight with stress; and then you let go and relax and let the hot water work on you. That was the feeling I experienced when she told me we would be talking again.
I will be speaking to her often I hope. She is affiliated with the Garchen Buddhist Institute in Arizona. I hope to visit it one day. Dana Abbott told me that the area is beautiful. Who knows, maybe I can fly out and bum transportation and quarters from him or my cousins that live in the desert?
Second: I am going to help a good friend of mine, Gardner, plan a weekend of Dharma talks that we hope to have in place for next spring. Either his guru will come to Oklahoma City for those, or someone that is recommended to him. Gardner is in the Karma Kagyu lineage and I am learning about that lineage from him and now from Loppön Du Bois as well. Seems coy but the term ‘karma’ might be apt here.
That reminds me to talk to another good friend, Kris. She is a member of Rissho Kosei Kai here in Oklahoma City. Kris helps run the local Dharma Center. Kris is one of my touchstones here in OKC. She is a counselor and friend, someone I know I can turn to for answers to questions and general support. I need to see what thoughts Kris has about RKK helping Gardner and I bring out a Lama to do a Dharma talk.
And lastly for today: One thing that Loppön Du Bois mentioned is that I read too much with out doing the practice. She is right, so I am going to let the books gather some dust while I begin to practice more openly, more consciously and with more resolve.
I want to take a moment and thank Gardner, Kris, my friend Linda and now Loppön Du Bois for their kind words and counsel, for their love and compassion and for their time. They mean more than they know.
I talk pretty big about compassion. I even try to live the talk, and I think I do a good job with almost every one I come across; but I fail with my family. Why is that? I have always hated the saying, “We hurt the ones we love” — it just seems like such a cop-out to me. Why do we rationalize that it is acceptable to hurt those we love, the people closest to us?
I bring all of this up because yesterday morning was a war zone at my house. My son and I had a disagreement about how his behavior was affecting his sister’s. It ended up with both of us upset, angry and hurt. I felt badly for the rest of the day about it. I let my emotions run away with me and he paid for it. I should have remained calm and softly spoken to him, instead my voice became thunderous and he was scared and felt like I had betrayed him to the girls.
Last night we had a good talk about it, hugged and then we all watched the new animated movie from Marvel, Dr. Strange. (It was very cool.)
It bothered me all day at work and then I thought about it an awful lot last night too. Why can I not control my anger at home? Why is it that my kids are the ones that see my anger while I can remain calm with any one else?
I would rather spend time with my children than with anyone else. They are wonderful, they still see the everyday-magic that the world has in so much abundance. Sometimes I like to watch them play when they are not aware I am there, watching from the corner or across the lawn. They are amazing.
Yeah, they are hard on each other, fighting about toys, who sits where and which one of them gets to spend the night at the grandparents house. But they are so kind and loving too.
Last night before we went home and watched the movie I took the kids to visit my grandfather. He was sleeping when we got there, and barely woke to see us for a bit. After he dozed back off the kids sat around with me, watching him and being quiet for as long as they could. When we left his room they all took turns, one by one, giving his cheeks kisses and hugging him as best they could around the hospital bed and they IV and wires. It was sad and wonderful. They love him so much.
I can learn from them… something for me to think about.