His body, still sitting beneath the trees, lit only by his small dhuni fire, rests peacefully in sublime consideration for the all that he has realized.

Before though, just a bit of stream of consciousness writing I think.

Take me in right away and finish this deed,
take my hands and show me to the sun,
show me the willows and the bends in the road.

Take me to the top of the hill and then
throw me off, let the angels catch me if they will
let them float me down beside you if they will.

Take me with you when you leave
is there somewhere I am not allowed to go
is there somewhere I am not allowed to see?

Please, feel my hand in yours,
please hold me up,
please make the shadows run away.

Please.

He caught a glimpse of her from across the vale, she stood between two more fairies that were from another mound.  He knew at once that she was a treasure unto herself.  Skin the color of alabaster and milk, hair the color of lavender and periwinkles, her eyes shone the glittering gold, emeralds and rubies of the royal treasure.  He knew of her already, betrothed to a Seelie prince, she was the blood with which the treaty would be signed in.  The whole of the court was in line to greet her, to kiss her hand, to feel her magic flow over them.

He slowly neared her in the line, announcement after announcement of Fay royalty as introductions were made, and yet the herald’s eye was cast upon him more than not. Wondering how to announce me, are you young one? He thought to himself with a smile showing in his eyes.

Finally he was before her, her eyes looked up along his body, from his chest to his curly green beard and then to meet his green eyes.

“Lady, may I introduce you to Bergkrieger, Warrior of the Green Night.” the herald said, bowing deeply.

Her voice caught in her throat, her eyes, locked onto his, she could feel his magic rolling like thunder across her hand as he bent low to kiss it.

“I trust you are well, Lady,” and then he moved on.  She watched him for a moment longer as he moved through the crowd, his shoulders and head above most of the fairies in the gathering.  She was more than intrigued; she was beguiled by his smile, by his aura, and by his soft ways.

As he moved into the fray he was thinking only about her beauty, and that she wore a gilded sword strapped across her thin back.  She is a warrior as well as a beauty.  He wanted to know more… but how?

Across the vale an old acquaintance caught Bergkrieger in a small conversation.

“You seem well, old friend,” the small fair haired wisp said.  ”I see a smile upon your countenance for the first time in an age.”

“It seems, fair wisp, that tonight I have seen more than magic, but also substance.”

Two long days and nights passed before he saw her again.  Standing in the middle of her ladies, she spoke in soft tones as they nodded their heads and fretted with lace and lamé, the shadows danced around them as the candle flames flickered in the ever present breeze.  As he entered the cavernous room the shadows eased away from him, like snow sliding off of a glacier.  A luminescent greenish light seemed to flow off of him , as he moved into the center of the hall this light slipped into translucence and was gone.

(I have had this one in my head for months, more later)

Sometimes I want to smile
to sigh
to close my eyes and just be

Sometimes I am alone
in a room full of people
invisible

Sometimes my heart is torn
swollen and bruised
unable to beat

Sometimes there is silence
even as birds sing
because I am without you

Sometimes I am hopeful
that you will see me
that you will welcome me
that you will allow

Sometimes I am scared.

“All is ready, you may proceed,” his own voice says to him from the ship’s speakers.

“I know ‘all is ready’, but I’m not ready,” he says under his breath.

The ships systems are coming online, one by one. The ship’s computer is less a computer and more him.  As he slips into an induced coma for the duration of the journey his own mind will take over and keep the ship on course, as well as communicate with others who are in the Tamas Form.

Life Support is operating at perfection, as usual, and there is nothing to fear.  Nothing at all.  But, it isn’t about the fear, it is about the release.  Once he eases his body down into the pod, and the nano-laced jelly covers him completely, he will be lost once again to the Surya, the one mind.

He is suddenly reminded an ancient Hindu proverb, There is nothing noble about being superior to others. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.

The is no thought that can remain hidden from the Surya, no wicked desire or off-hand remark that can stay in the shadow where he intended it to remain.  All of him, all that he is will be collected, cataloged, and contained in a report somewhere.  That is why he finds a moment to look back at a monitor, one last second of being alone, being himself and nothing more.

There are moments
In darkest of hours
When nothing matters
When you are in my arms.

There are moments
In the now-to-now of my life
When I am at peace
When I am in your presence.

I watched as the dragons flew, with leprechaun riders on their back, throwing fire and acid onto the armor wearing cats and their allies, the midgets. Attacking the Russians before they could reinforce the leprechauns were the unicorns. Their horns bathed in the vodka soaked blood of the Russians, the unicorns charged into battle with the battle cry that sounds exactly like a 1980s arena hair band at full throttle.

It was glorious.

I sincerely hope that the midgets and the cats took out as many as they could…

Midgets in sombreros. Cats in armor.

This cannot be happening, this is not reality.

I struggle and spin in place, fighting against the unseen current that is pushing me deeper into the chasms below, but this is futile, like a child against a whale, I am no match against this fate, this inevitability.  I scream out, a silent scream, begging for a hero to rescue me.

I see my father in my mind’s eye, his hand outstretched, his eyes tear-filled as his hand passes through mine and he is gone.  My mother kneels to pick me up, I am a baby again and I need her arms around me; comfort and safety is within her power… She is gone in a flash of green-blue light; I continue to fall, alone.

My eyes lose focus now, there is not enough light to see my own arms and hands before me, there is darkness and shifting shadows only.

Think.

I can hear my own voice within my head, that is reassuring for some reason.  As if I can spell myself to safety, back to my bedroom where moments before I had been laying on my bed, atop the covers, listening to my heartbeat and counting the pulses of light with my eyes closed.

This is within my mind, within me and me alone – only I am experiencing this, there is nothing to be afraid of.

I calm myself with these words, and The Deep takes offense.  The water around me explodes with power and ferocity.  Light flashes before my eyes; reds, yellows, whites, purples and blues – a collage of light, patternless and without shape, terrifying and then gone, I am returned to the darkness where I now dwell.

Moments pass, thoughts flicker and are gone before my mind can focus on them.  From moment to moment my mind races and is worthless to me.  Did I tell her that I love her?  Did I hug him when I tucked him in?  Did I say the right thing to a friend in need?  Was I someone that I would be proud of in the end?

A hand reaches out and I clamber to grasp it before I can even see the face to which it belongs.  I take hold of the offered wrist and pull myself close… I see my own face now, smooth skin where my eyes should be, no mouth, no ears – just fresh, pink and perfect skin.

He holds me, needing me more than I need him (me) and then he releases his hold, the current is too strong, I cannot hold onto him alone – and he is gone into the darkness, leaving me alone again.

No.

I pull my hands into my chest, my knees and feet hold steady, no more flailing about, no longer loose and akimbo.

I am in bed still, I am dreaming.

This thought calms me and I slow my breathing.  My breath.  I can breathe.  I am under water, why can I breathe?  This makes no sense anymore.

Calm yourself.  Be calm.  Debate this, where is the logic?

All sound is vibration.  All matter is energy, all energy is vibration, I am matter, I am energy and sound.  I am not asleep, I am not dreaming, I am a dream of me.

I am standing now, dry and warm, and there is a soft glow about me, as if candles burn within my body.  I can return to myself laying there upon my bed.  My body as a shallow breath, cool temperature and my eyes are open in thin slits.  I can return now… Or I can see the mountain top.  I can ask the question.  I can find out, finally know the Reason to the Why.

I take a step towards the mountain.

Point went down onto his stomach, eyes peering deeper into the night vision, seeking the target, looking for the person who had turned his night into mid-day sun in an effort to end his life.  Two-man went to the ground with his right knee, weapon in hand and at the ready, eyes focusing on the darkness of the ridge before them.  It is always easier to see shadows moving within the darkness, and that meant that he could direct Three-man to the target.

Three-man was crouched three meters and left of Two-man.  Holding onto his SAW like it was a long lost lover.  He watched Point’s head move back and forth as he scanned the ridge for the threat.  Trees littered the ridge some 60 meters in front of them.  Rocks, drug down from the mountains by glaciers eons before this night now offered the threat some cover, and so Three-man cursed the glacier gods for their callousness.

The fourth and final man of the team stood fully erect, daring someone to take a shot at him from anywhere, ridge-line be damned.  He was tired of this, tired of the snipers, tired of the mortars, and certainly tired of sleeping on the cold, wet ground while his wife slept alone in a cold bed back home.

“Come on dammit,” Four seethed, and then in a commanding voice he yelled.  “Take your shot bastard, I’m here.  Do this.”

The three men in front of him all smile, they knew he would snap sooner than later.  Point starts to laugh, laying there in the water and muck, grass blades making it hard to see the ridge, but he is laughing and it feels good.  Two and Three chance a moment to look at each other, both smiling in their eyes and laughing manically.

“Move dammit, I want that ridge and I want it now,” Four orders his men to their feet.

Point stands, water and mud dripping off of his uniform, and he starts to run for the ridge.

“Everywhere we go… people want to know… who we are… so we tell ‘em…” he sings to himself one last time, and his mates sing back in reply as the hail of bullets begins to fall about them, quieting his cadence.