Outside the tarp covered window the winter rages on. Snows fall for another countless day and the sun is hidden once again. Inside, the room is warm and fragrant. The tile floor is heated from below, giant bellows push ember-warmed air up from the lower levels to warm the bath rooms. You sit, lotus style, in a ornate copper tub, steaming water comes midway up your chest. The herbs and perfumes in the water sting your eyes and fill your nose with smells of earth. Butter lamps burn around the room, casting a soft yellow pale on every corner, the smell from the lamps is disguised and forgotten amid the burning agar wood incense. From somewhere else in the monastery you can hear the chanting still, the Om Mani Padme Hum comes at you over and over until you hear the sounds as one tone.

Your eyes are closed, even if you wanted to open them, the stinging would slow you, but you keep them closed while you watch Chenrezig in your mind. He is standing before you, one of his four arms is outstretched and open palmed to you, asking for you to come with him, offering you one more chance. One of the millions that he has and will continue to offer.

Some one unseen pours more water in to the copper tub and takes a bucket out, keeping the level constant. The vapors fills your nostril and you see the color purple in your minds eye. Beyond the purple, in the center of your vision, a soft yellow starts to permeate, and then blue follows behind, until the purple once again pulls forward. The colors stream in succession now; purple, yellow, blue, purple, yellow, blue, purple.

The wind outside the window is gone now, you can hear your own breath again. The water is still, motionless against your chest as you sit perfectly still, your chest rising and falling with breath the one motion.

The colors fade into whiteness and Chenrezig is standing there again, his arm reaching to you, his mouth closed, but not tight. His eyes open, you can see the reflection of other people’s faces in his eyes, moving past like clouds on a sunny day.

Mindful of the warm water on your skin you reach out to grasp his hand and you feel something tangible as your clasp. Your eyes come open and the room is gone. The tile floor, the butter lamps, the burning agar wood, the window and the snows beyond: all gone. Surrounding you now is only the whiteness of the pure lotus.

Float now on the perfect flower.

I am terrible at remaining calm and staying in a forgiving state of mind. I too quickly allow myself to become upset and angry when people, especially those people close to me, act in ways I would prefer they not.

If I am dealing with my children I become upset with them, and then myself as the situation deepens. My voice becomes strong and I lose myself to the anger which develops instead of remaining peaceful and finding the solution in a positive manner.

My son takes the brunt of my ire in almost all situations. He is very much like me. Very flippant, has a smart mouth and generally sees right to the heart of the issue, stoking the fire before I even realize there is a flame.

All of the things I am good at too.

I need to work much more on my meditation practice and see how far that can take me. I feel that forgiveness is something you learn something you cultivate and practice; not something we are born with.

Meditation offers practitioners many benefits; from lowering blood pressure to showing more clearly the objects they are attached to. Forgiveness is a natural outcropping of meditation, especially when it is the goal of a particular practice.

By practicing the Loving Kindness meditation forgiveness should begin to flow and become something that is tangible, not just an aspiration. I will redouble my efforts and actually practice on a real schedule.

It is easy enough to say Om Mani Padme Hung throughout the day, but to pay attention to these words and to let my soul follow them, that is hard for me.

But I guess no one ever said Dharma was the easy way out.