A few months ago I lost someone whom I always considered my uncle. He was not related to my family by blood, but rather by friendship, sometimes that is stronger than blood though. I had grown up thinking that his family was related to us, I guess I thought that his wife was my mother’s sister, they even look alike. They were and are best friends, so we simply spent a lot of time together as families.

I am grown now and I long ago realized that we were not actually blood relatives, but that never really mattered to us. I do not actually see his daughter much anymore, but she is still someone I consider family. I see his wife, my ‘aunt’, more often and though we do not sit and talk, we do exchange hugs and that look that tells each other that we are special and loved.

At his funeral I was sitting in a pew with my wife, my sister and my mother. My mom was strong and though I know she was hurting for the loss of her friend and for her best friend, she smiled a lot at people that she spoke to that day. That stayed with me.

The lesson I really paid attention to that day was deeper though: make your life mean something.

I listened that day to his friends and co-workers talk about the kind of man he was, the kind of friend and person he was. I had known he was a good father already, and he was a nice guy to me growing up. He even offered me advice when I was joining the Corps. But now I was hearing about him from his co-workers and from the people that worked for him.

They missed his voice, his reassuring hand on their back, his leadership and his trust. This hit home to me, I started to wonder what my friends and family would say if that was me in the casket one day soon. Would they beam about me? Would they tell stories about how I had made their life better? Would they mourn not having me with them every day?

I don’t know if I became a better person that day, but I know I started thinking about my legacy then. How will I be seen tomorrow by the people that are in my life? I know my wife would miss me, I know my children would and my family would. But the people I see in the hallway at work, would they miss me? Have I been good to them? Have I touched their life in a way that was helpful and sincere? Did I offer them anything that was worthwhile on their journey?

The Buddha said “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

My uncle clearly lit thousands of candles, now I am working on it too.

Cause and Effect, I guess that best describes my understanding of Karma. My actions, whether good intentioned or bad, create ripples on the stream in which I exist. I am not naive enough to think that doing good things with bad intentions is the same thing as good action with good intention. Nor do I think that causing harm necessarily is creating bad karma for myself either. If I came upon someone about to create harm and tragedy, I would take action to stop that. Walking away would surely create more bad karma than trying to stop the person. If I can make a difference, then I should.

How much of my life today is happening because of my past? All of it. At least in this lifetime, all of it. I can see the correlation between my place in life and the decisions I made along the journey, clearly.

Can I still run ten miles a day? No, I stopped running even before I was out of the military. Cause and Effect.

But in the larger scale, how am I effected? I try to be a good person, I fall well short of that mark most of the time, to my mind. But I do try. I know when I do wrong. When I am selfish, when I am careless with someone’s heart or feelings, when I am cruel. I am actually cruel an awful lot. For some reason my sense of humor is a cruel one. My natural state is making snide remarks at the expense of others. I know it was wrong, even as I am laughing, I know.

But how far back does that go? Was I cruel beyond compare in a past life? Was I a saint, was I a beggar who simply handed his food to an orphan, and so in doing purchased a bit of good karma as it were?

How is Karmic Law dispensed? Does God sit upon a throne and ladle out honey or vinegar based upon my actions? I can not imagine this scenario. Creator of the Universe handing out verdicts based upon my actions on a minute-by-minute basis…

To me, Karma must be so tightly woven in to the heart of the Universe that one can not exist with out the other. Karma must be there for the universe to continue, so the Universe itself conforms to the laws of Karma. Sometimes I speak like the Universe is alive and sentient itself, and I guess I do sort of think that.

Where will I be in ten years? Will I work on myself for the better, and doing so naturally create good karma for myself and those around me?

I have children now. That gives a person pause too. My actions do not simply shape my karma, for theirs must also be tightly coupled with mine. My good fortune is theirs, right? At least for now. Of course that just makes me wonder how their karma is effecting me as well. My son, was he my best friend in a past life? My boss, my brother, my adversary? The implications run so deep.

Okay, that is quite enough for today.