Hologram Thoughts

I was watching people at lunch today, sitting alone in the corner at Taco Bueno, eating my bean burritos and thinking. There was a mom feeding her son a taco. He was laughing and having fun which was stressing his mother, but she continued to smile and tell him he was a good boy and that it was alright. She asked him to stop when he tried to drop his taco shell on the floor, and he laughed with her, leaned forward and gave her a messy taco-flavored kiss. It made me think of my mom and how kind she is with her children and grandchildren.

Kindness is something that my mother taught us our whole lives, even though we had no idea class was in session. Whether it was helping with homework or talking to us about our life decisions, mom was there, sitting with us on the couch or on our bed, talking us through it all. I knew that as I grew older and began to make decisions that took me further and further afield, she was still there, a phone call away, when I needed her. That gave me tremendous peace of mind.

There were times I am sure my siblings and I thought she was too worrisome or to demanding. Now that I am an adult with a family of my own I see how kind and compassionate my mom was and is still.

There is a reason my kids want to spend every weekend with her. They love the attention she gives them. The time they can spend with her at the kitchen table, painting and making things with pipe cleaners and construction paper. She shows my kids what everyday magic is, every day. My mom is good for me and she is good for my children too.

One quality that is necessary for Buddhahood is compassion for all sentient beings. With out knowing it my mom was teaching me this my entire life. I hope I am lucky enough to have my mom in my life for a long time to come. For me, for my children and for theirs one day as well.

Mom taught me to forgive others by her own actions. There have been times when I know she was wronged, even by those close to her, and she got over it somehow. She taught me to repay kindness by those same actions. She has opened her house time and again for those that need a safe and secure place to sleep and eat. A place to feel welcomed. She is far more compassionate than I am on so many fronts.

I wish everyone had the chance to have a mom like mine.

Spent yesterday with the family. Most of the day was just at home with my wife and children, it was nice and quiet. We watched a couple of sappy movies, which made my wife smile and get all teary-eyed.

Late in the day we went to my mom’s house for dinner with my brother and sister and their families, that was nice and low-key as well.

At some point yesterday I started reading a meditation on Chenrezig and thinking more about it. Clearly I am not an authority on this meditation, nor am I an authority on Chenrezig or even Buddhism, but I do very much like this meditation. I like how it flows, I like the imagery it creates in my mind and I especially like the way I feel when I am done.

Rejoicing

With happiness, I rejoice in the ocean of virtues of developing the mind of enlightenment wishing to bring joy to all sentient beings and working for everyone’s benefit.

As I read and then re-read this above excerpt many times I thoughts about my children and how I react to them. I am all-to-quick to anger, my voice rising and the heat pouring off of me. I judge before I know the whole story with them, favoring the little ones most of the time.

I realized that I am not helping my children to rejoice. I am good about that with my friends and coworkers, but not with the souls that should matter most of all to me. My own little creations.

So I decided, once again, to try harder, to re-double my efforts with them and to show more compassion as I go. In meditation on Chenrezig, the Buddha of Compassion, you would think I would begin to listen to the words I am saying.

I was sitting there in my mother’s house and I was upset with something that my son had done, I suddenly was very aware of my mother watching me. She had a look in her eyes that said a lot to me. She was upset that I had handled myself badly again. She was worried that I had scolded my son with out showing him loving kindness. My mother has always been one of the most compassionate people I have ever know, and now I realized how my actions were hurting her as well as my son. I saw myself in her eyes and I was not happy with the person she was seeing.

OK, so now I am actively listening. Maybe this time I will start to get it right. Thank you Mom, and Happy Mother’s Day.