Hologram Thoughts

The soft sounds of the television find their way down the hallway.  My son is asleep, but I have yet to make it to his room to turn off the T.V. and cover him up.  I will tuck him in every night that I can, one day he will move out, and I don’t want to regret missing a night.  The boxer is snoring loudly beside me, I am about to begin my meditations, tonight is Tonglen, and I am going to focus on some one who was a close friend last year.  She has strayed into some deep water, and I hope she corrects soon.

Before though, just a bit of stream of consciousness writing I think.

Take me in right away and finish this deed,
take my hands and show me to the sun,
show me the willows and the bends in the road.

Take me to the top of the hill and then
throw me off, let the angels catch me if they will
let them float me down beside you if they will.

Take me with you when you leave
is there somewhere I am not allowed to go
is there somewhere I am not allowed to see?

Please, feel my hand in yours,
please hold me up,
please make the shadows run away.

Please.

Sometimes I want to scream
to beg
to plead

Sometimes I want to smile
to sigh
to close my eyes and just be

Sometimes I am alone
in a room full of people
invisible

Sometimes my heart is torn
swollen and bruised
unable to beat

Sometimes there is silence
even as birds sing
because I am without you

Sometimes I am hopeful
that you will see me
that you will welcome me
that you will allow

Sometimes I am scared.

I am the lone tree, on the grassy hill, waiting for the birds to return. The stars and moon light up the darkness, but the robin is not in my branches.

I am the snow-covered peaks, longing for the traveler’s approach.  I call out to the guides, but my summit is desolate.

I am the desert oasis, cool waters and shade I offer, but the caravan misses me, lost in the dunes.

I am the jewel, hidden in the loose stones underfoot, the sun would show my splendor, but I am unclaimed still.

I am the secret knowledge, yours for the having, are you seeking me still?